


Break The Wall, Crash My Car, Crush His Heart

by noladyme



Series: Skip To My Lou, My Darling [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:34:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27779971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noladyme/pseuds/noladyme
Summary: The road so far...Lulu has had both a physical and an emotional impact on the bunker and its residents - least of all, not being how she's turned Dean Winchester from ladykiller to wanting to settle down.Castiel - who is in fact Lucifer - on the other hand, seems to be unhappy with her precense, but none the less finds a use for her, in his search for an important artefact.When Lulu doesn't want to play in to his plans, she is forced to turn to the last person she wants. Amara.Our story continues in season 11.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Sam Winchester/Original Female Character(s) (Platonic)
Series: Skip To My Lou, My Darling [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2007559
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

2 months earlier

 _Dean is jolted awake from what sounds like an explosion; an old piece of parchment stuck to his cheek. Sam comes running into the library – still wearing his pajamas – his eyes wide.  
“Oops! Sorry…”, he hears Lou’s voice from in the direction of the armory.  
“I _told _her not to blow the place up!”, Sam groans._

_Dean follows his brother down the hall, and steps into the armory. Three of the shooting targets at the end of the gun range have been torn off their hooks, and there is a large hole in the wall.  
He looks at the infuriating and amazing woman he loves; as she smiles embarrassedly at him and Sam. She’s holding the crossbow he probably should have never told her she could have._

_“I think I broke the bunker a little”, she smiles. “Maybe a little less explosives, next time”.  
Sam walks over to her, and carefully takes the weapon from her hand.  
“Maybe none, huh?”, he mutters._

_Dean can’t help but laugh at the sight of his girl standing there; on one leg, as her wound from the case in Mississippi – which he’d prefer to forget most of the parts of, save the part where he got to have sex with his brother’s wife – still makes it difficult for her to stand.  
She’s wearing one of his shirts, and a pair of shorts; which show just enough of her legs to make Dean want Sam to leave the room asap, and let him get Lulu alone, so they can christen the armory._

_Lou rubs her eyes.  
“What time is it?”, she asks.  
“3 am, Lulu”, Sam sighs. “Think it’s time for bed yet? I know _I’d _like to get at least a few more hours”  
“Oh… sorry”, she chuckles, with that warm voice. God, he loves her.  
He walks over to Sam, and pats his shoulder.  
“Go to bed, Sammy. I got this”. Sam shakes his head, and leaves the room. “Close the door! What, were you raised in a barn?”, Dean calls after his brother. Sam slams the door._

 _Lulu chews her lower lip – man, he wishes he was nibbling at that thing – and looks up at him, blushing.  
“I didn’t mean to wake you guys up…”, she mutters. “And, sorry about blowing a hole in the wall”.  
He smiles warmly at her – making sure to give her a bit of chiding with his eyes.  
“Nothing a little plaster can’t fix”, he lies. “But you could have blown _yourself _up, Lou”.  
“I’m fine… but that was a _big _boom”, she smirks. “Scary”._

 _He knows this game. Lou is going to try to get on his good side, by acting innocent; in hopes she can flirt herself out of trouble. And – dammit – it’s working.  
“When I said you could have the crossbow, this isn’t what I thought you’d do with it”, he grunts, fighting like hell not to let her get away with it.  
She pouts, and leans against him. Dean knows she doesn’t _really _need the support, but he’s happy to oblige – and slips his arms around her.  
“I got restless, and needed to blow off some steam… And _you _were sleeping”, Lou smiles, and tugs at his collar. She brushes her lips against his neck, and he swallows hard, as the sensation sends blood straight to little Dean.  
Yup, might as well face it; he’s a goner._

_“Hey, did we ever… in the armory?”, he smirks at her._

\---

“You should stay”, Dean grunted.  
“Now…?”, I croaked. “You want to have this conversation, _now_?”.  
He moved his hand downwards, and lifted a brow at me.  
“You might need me", he declared, and put his free hand on my hip, to move me into a better position.  
“For what?”, I challenged.  
“This…”, Dean smirked, leaning further down, and twisting his hand – apparently finding what he was searching for, as his eyes lit up.  
“I could have anyone do this", I scoffed; though admittedly impressed by the nimbleness of his fingers.

Dean frowned at me, and grabbed my wrist.  
“Here", he growled, and showed me what he wanted, by putting his own hand over mine. “Up and down".  
“Like this?", I asked, thrusting my hand.  
“Too fast, baby. Nice and slow… Like that".

Getting behind me, Deans chest ghosted my back, and he reached under my arm, to grab something I didn’t recognize.  
“What’s that?”, I asked.  
Dean grinned.  
“Something that’ll make all the difference”. He took the foreign object and lowered it down, where I could no longer see it.  
“Uhm… Are you sure that’ll fit?”, I asked; slightly worried.  
“Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing, Lou", Dean chuckled, and pressed a button – making the object in his hand buzz violently. I jumped when everything under my hood began vibrating.

“Oh, wow”, I gasped.  
“Tighter?”, Dean grunted.  
“A bit…”, I smiled. “Almost there. But can I stop doing this now?”, I nodded towards my hand. “My wrist is beginning to hurt".  
“Yeah, you’re good. See, it’s all messy now? Give it one last pull, then wipe it off".  
I thrusted my hand backwards, and blinked, when liquid sprayed at my face.

“Oops… didn’t see that coming", Dean grinned, pulled the tool out from under the engine, and handed me a rag. I went to look at my reflection in the side mirror of the T-bird, and frowned at the sight if the motor oil covering the right side of my face. Dean put down whatever it was the buzzing tool was, and took the rag from me, wiping my neck. “You got some in your hair, too".  
“It’s not funny”, I muttered, stifling a grin.  
Dean raised a greased hand, and ran his black-stained fingers down my cheek.  
“It’s a little funny”, he smirked. Looking into the mirror again, I saw that his fingers had left four black streaks on my newly wiped skin. I pushed at Dean’s chest, to get him to back away, when he decided to place a greedy hand on my butt, leaving a black handprint on my jeans.  
“Dean!”, I groaned. “Now I’ll have to wash these. I was going to wear them on the drive”.  
“Sorry”, he chuckled.  
“No you’re not”, I frowned.

Dean gave me a sly smile.  
“Try starting him up again”, he said.  
I got in behind the wheel, and turned the key in the ignition. The engine roared to life.  
“Wow!”, I smiled.  
Dean closed the hood of my car, and gave it a pat.  
“Told you”, he smirked. “Give it a little gas”. I did as I was told.  
“That weird knocking noise is gone”, I said.  
Dean came over to the open door, and leaned against it.  
“Well, if you changed your oil once in a while”, he chided. “And the valves needed adjusting”.  
“Was that what you did with that thing?”, I asked, and turned off the engine again.  
“No, I changed the bearings. They we’re worn, which will make the motor…”. Dean stopped when he saw my eyes glazing over. “You have no idea what I’m talking about”.  
“None… But it’s fine. That’s why I have you”.

I went to stand, but fell back into the seat, when a jolt of pain went through my calf.  
Dean quickly crouched in front of me, and began rolling up my leggings.  
“Your leg”, he grunted. “Why aren’t you still using those crutches we dug out for you?”.  
“I’m fine”, I muttered, and tried to pull my leg away from him – but he took a firm hold of my ankle; and raised a brow at me.  
“You’re in pain, sweetheart. You shouldn’t be driving as far as South Dakota”, he grumbled. “And you definitely shouldn’t have gone out with Tamara those weeks back. Your stitches weren’t even out”.

I wasn’t willing to admit it, but Dean was right. Taking on a case so soon after my ordeal with Frigg and Fulla hadn’t been the best way of healing my injury – and on top of that, I might have been there to prevent the guys insane plan to take down the Darkness.  
I’d been enraged to find out that, while I was gone, not only had they been working with Crowley and his ginger witch of a mother; they’d also attempted to strike a deal with Lucifer.

Oh yeah, and the Darkness – the frustratingly beautiful Amara, a being capable of ending the world at any moment; and who also just happened to be God’s sister – had laid claim on Dean; citing destiny and a celestial bond as her reason.  
Constantly having to fight for the man I loved was taking its toll on me. I would go to the end of the world for Dean – do anything – but as it was, I didn’t think anything I could do would be able to live up to what Amara was offering.

Dean tried to reassure me, and I never doubted his love, or even lust for me; but no matter how much Dean showed me he wanted me – which was a lot, often and in many different positions – I kept fearing that I would lose him.  
One day soon, Dean would realize that I wasn’t enough.

“Jody needs some time off, after that vampire ordeal. I promised”, I grunted, letting him massage the area around the healing scar on my leg. Jabbing two pieces of wood into an open wound, to create goddess-killing stakes, hadn’t been good for my muscle tissue – but I was healing better than I would have been; was it not for the tiny amount of angel grace Castiel had left in me a little over a year before.  
“And she thinks going on a girls trip with Donna will make her relax?”, he chuckled.  
“They’re going hunting”, I said. Dean frowned. “Deer”, I added.

Satisfied that there wasn’t more he could do for me, than rub my sore leg; Dean sighed, and rolled down my pantleg again.  
“Why do I feel like there’s more to this, than just helping Jody?”, he muttered; standing up, and crossing his arms – the way he always did when he felt like he needed to take charge of a situation he had very little control over. “If you’re so worried about Amara, why leave now?”.  
“That’s not fair”, I croaked. “I have to stay here to keep you?”.  
“That’s not what I’m saying”, Dean grunted.  
I got up to stand again, and put on my cardigan.  
“What _are_ you saying?”, I asked.  
Dean frowned, relaxing his stance.  
“I’m worried you’re running from me…”, he muttered.  
“I can’t convince myself that I won’t lose you. So maybe, yeah… I need a little time to be alone, and to learn from experience that you’ll still be mine when I return”.

I got up to stand, managing to stay on my feet this time.  
“I _am_ sorry”, Dean muttered. He moved a lock of my hair behind my ear.  
“About which part? Bargaining with Satan, or your new girlfriend?”, I muttered.  
“Lou, it’s not like that”, he sighed. “I can’t help the bond Amara has with me”.  
“And you have with her”, I whispered.

Dean took my hand, and squeezed it.  
“I thought when I lost the mark, it would stop hurting you”, he said quietly.  
“Just another thing you can’t control… right? You care about her”, I muttered.  
Dean ran a hand over his face, and shook his head.  
“The way I feel about her, and the way I feel about you are two completely different things”, he tried to explain. “We’re together, because I chose you, and you chose me; and we _love_ each other… She’s…”.  
“A goddess; and apparently your _destiny_ ”, I grunted. “I know when I’m outmatched. There’s nothing keeping you from going to her".  
“That’s not how I see it”, he retorted. “I told you years ago, I’m all about free will… choice. I’m not going to let some weird connection to Amara change what you and I have… You said it; you know? We’re endgame. And I’m yours as long as you’ll have me”.  
I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath – feeling Dean put his forehead to mine.  
“I love you”, I breathed. “But I want to punch God’s sister in the boobs”.

Dean chuckled, and I opened my eyes to see his grinning face.  
“I love you too, slugger”, he said. “And I still think you should stay”.  
“You could come”, I suggested; knowing there wasn’t a chance in hell Dean would take me up on the offer.  
As I’d expected, he pulled back instantly.  
“Ooh, no!”, he exclaimed. “I’ve had enough teenage angst and birth control chats for at least a year”.

I laughed softly at him, and went to grab my things from my room. Dean followed me; seeming constantly ready to catch me if I should fall. My legs weren’t _that_ unsteady; but I enjoyed his hand on the small of my back. No matter how many times I had this man naked, I still wanted more.

“Hey, do you still have the crossbow?”, Dean asked, as I entered 13, and began washing my hands in the sink there.  
“Yeah… had to literally sneak it out of Sam’s drawer, after what happened”, I chuckled, and went to take the bow from under the bed. “Why?”.  
“Just… after the armory incident, I had the idea of knocking down a couple of walls between room 13 and 11, and putting in a jacuzzi and a better sound system… settling in”, he smirked.  
I put down the bow, and folded up some clothes strewn about on the mattress.  
“You already settled in”, I said.  
“You haven’t”, Dean muttered. “This is _your_ home as much as it’s…”.

I closed my eyes, and sighed.  
“Look, you spent your whole life on the road; now you have a home”. I turned to face him; putting my hand on his stubbly cheek in the process. “For me, it’s the other way around. I always had a place to stay – security in one way or another, even if I was broke, and serving tables for crappy tips. But I never felt at home in it”. Dean seemed confused by my words. “Out there, doing what I do; _that’s_ home for me now”.

“And here?”, he asked. “What’s this place to you?”. His voice was gruff; challenging.  
“It’s… I don’t know”, I muttered. “It’s a place to rest up, have actual homecooked meals, and awesome showers”. I pecked at his lips. “And you’re here”.  
“Food, showers and sex? That’s what this place is to you?”, he muttered.  
I smirked, and tugged at his lower lip with my teeth.  
“Sometimes all three at once”, I breathed.  
Dean grunted, but a smile ghosted his face – remembering as I did, the pizza-party he and I’d had in the showers, after we came back from Mississippi.  
“That was fun”, he admitted. “But messy”.  
“In more ways than one”, I agreed.

I shoved some of my folded clothes into my bag, along with Bobby’s journal, my crossbow, and my angel-blade.  
“When will you be back?”, Dean asked.  
“Unless anything comes up, I guess in about a week”, I said.  
“I know _something_ that’ll come up while you’re away”, he muttered. I looked at him in confusion, when he raised a brow, and gave me a smirk – making me catch his meaning. “Who’s gonna help me with that?”.  
I grabbed his right hand, and kissed the palm.  
“Just don’t go blind on me, sport”, I teased.

Dean groaned, and pulled me into his arms; holding me so tight you’d need a crowbar to get him off me. I sighed deeply, and I buried my face in the crook of his neck – breathing him in.

At the moment, the musk was the dominant note, due to Dean having worked on my car. Even sweating, he smelled amazing good enough to make my knees into jello.

Dean slid his hands down to grab my bottom, and pushed his groin against me; brushing his lips against mine.  
“When are you leaving?”, he breathed.  
“I _was_ going to leave once you’d fixed my car, but now I have to change my pants”, I chided.  
Dean slid his hand up to grope my left breast.  
“Now you’re gonna have to change your top too”, he smirked. “Better take it off right away”.  
I shook my head, mostly to make myself focus.

“It’s fine. It’s already black”. Dean frowned. “I need to leave. I promised I’d be there by dinnertime, and having to deal with your wandering hands…”. I slapped his hand away from my breast. “I’m already late”.  
Dean kicked the door closed, and snaked an arm around my waist.  
“Be even _later_ ”, he breathed, and latched himself onto my breast again; hooking his fingers into the top of my top, to slide it under my bra, and graze against my nipple.

I drew in a short breath.  
“Please…”, I moaned softly.  
“Ok”, Dean shrugged, and quickly opened the button of my jeans.  
“No!”, I chuckled.  
“What? I’m helping you change your pants. It’ll go faster this way”, he smiled.  
“You know it won’t”, I groaned.  
Dean gave me an evil grin, and pressed his soft lips to mine; making my resolve to stop him weaker by the second.

“Dean!”, Sam called from down the hall.  
The older brother almost roared in frustration.  
“Bad timing, Sammy!”, he yelled.  
Giving him a soft peck, I pushed against his chest.  
“We might have something”, Sam said from the other side of the door.

I swiftly changed into my second favorite pair of jeans, while Dean watched me with a dark expression.

“Make you a deal”, I said. “You don’t go partying with the devil, the king of Hell or his mother – and don’t run off with any celestial beings – and I’ll be all yours when I get back. Anything you want, I’m game”.  
Dean narrowed his eyes, before they glazed over; and he laughed softly.  
“Well… there’s… but you wouldn’t… unless…”. He let out a short breath.  
“Care to share with the class?”, I smiled.  
“Huh?”, Dean said. “Oh, yeah. What’s your shoe size?”  
“What?”, I grunted.  
“Never mind, I’ll figure it out”.

I ran a hand through my hair, gathered myself; and opened the door.  
“Hope I didn’t interrupt anything too important”, he said – knowing full well he had, and looking embarrassed about the fact.  
“We were just playing Go Fish”, Dean growled.  
“Sorry”, Sam muttered.

I grabbed my bag, and walked towards the center of the bunker. Dean nabbed it from me, and held it in front of him; covering his groin area as the three of us walked together.  
“Cass and I stumbled onto something”, Sam said, sounding apologetic.  
“What?”, I asked, as we entered the warmly lit library.

Castiel was leaning over some documents. He looked up at me when we entered – his eyes wary – before quickly looking away.  
Ever since he had chosen me to carry part of his grace, I’d felt a bond with him. Lately though, our friendship had grown distant. He would look at me weirdly, as if he didn’t fully trust me; which saddened me.

The papers he had in front of him, sent chills down my spine. Words like _Thule, Führer,_ and _Hand Gottes_ were underlined.  
“Why are you reading old Nazi documents?”, I croaked.  
“We found something called The Hand…”, Sam began.  
“ _The Hand of God_ ”, I said.  
“You read German?”, Dean muttered.  
I nodded.  
“A bit. Took some different language classes for extra credit – for college”, I explained. “I can order a beer in five different languages”.  
“I’ll have to remember that”, Dean smiled. “Know any French?”.  
“You _know_ I do”, I smirked.

Sam cleared his throat.  
“Anyway…”, he interrupted. “You think you can make any sense of this?”.  
He handed me a ship manifesto.  
“It’s coordinates – which you probably figured out”, I muttered.  
“Yeah, I just want to double check something”, Sam said.  
“ _Das Artefakt wird transportiert_ …”, I read. “Some sort of important item – probably the hand-thing… It was stolen by someone, and the ship was tracking a submarine transporting it to the states”.  
Sam smiled widely.  
“We found it!”, he said. “Thanks, Lulu”. He squeezed my shoulder.

I put the document down on the table.  
“Anything to do with Nazis, I’m out”, I said. “The thought of even having touched this makes me want to take a bleach-shower”.  
“Why are you going to Sioux Falls anyway? Case?”, Sam asked. “I thought Jody was taking a break”.  
“Yeah, she is”, I smiled.  
“Deer-hunting, with Donna”, Dean grunted.  
Sam winced.  
“Ouch. Babysitting duty?”, he chuckled.  
“Nah”, I said. “I’m just gonna hang out, and make sure the girls don’t set fire to the house”.  
Sam raised a brow at me.  
“She’s trusting _you_ with that?”.  
“Hey! Nothing got burned down!”, I frowned.  
“No, you just blew a hole in the bunker”, Sam laughed.  
I rolled my eyes.  
“Still got my crossbow back”, I jeered.  
“Yeah, remind me to lock my door in the future”, he teased.

I grabbed my bag from Dean, who’d calmed down enough to be able to hand it over.  
“I’m off. Don’t do anything stupid”.  
“No promises”, he smirked.  
I gave Sam a quick hug, and turned to face Castiel.  
“Hey, Cass?”, I said.  
“Yes… that’s me", he smiled. I shook my head at his response.  
“I’m gonna go see Claire for a few days. Want me to say hi?”.  
The angel looked at me confusedly.  
“Why?”, he asked.  
“Because… it’s Claire… And you’re kind of sort of her biological dad?”.  
Castiel frowned for a moment, before letting his expression grow somber.  
“Yes, of course. Give her my regards".

I narrowed my eyes at him.  
“Okie dokie… Are you all right?”.  
He gave me a standoffish smile.  
“Why wouldn’t I be? I’m here with you all. My friends”, he said. “Except, now you’re leaving”.  
“Yeah… I am“, I muttered.  
“That’s good”, Cass smiled.  
“It is?”, Dean frowned.  
“Yes, now we can focus; without distractions”, the angel declared. He might as well have slapped me in the face. Dean looked at his friend with hard eyes.  
“Cass… Rude!”, he growled.

Castiel’s eyes found mine, and something cold ghosted his face for a moment. I didn’t recognize my friend at all in those seconds – it was like he wasn’t himself.  
Suddenly, his expression softened.  
“Yes, it was. I’m sorry, Lulu”, he said. “I suppose I’m just tired”.  
“You don’t get tired”, I muttered.

Cass sighed.  
“Have you been working on expanding your… _my_ grace?”.  
I was confused by the sudden change in topic.  
“No… It’s still… lingering. I guess”, I responded.  
“Not seeing any angels…?”, he asked.  
“Nope”.  
He seemed relieved.  
“Good… You should keep it like that. No reason to make any changes to your current state”, he smiled.  
“Ok… good talk”, I said quietly.  
Dean grabbed my hand.  
“I’ll walk you out”, he muttered.

Once back in the garage, I threw my bag in the passenger seat.  
“I don’t know what I did to him”, I said. Dean kissed my forehead.  
“He’s just…”, he began.  
“Being a dick?”, I grunted.  
“Lou”, Dean sighed. “Maybe just give him some space… He’s still reeling from what happened with Lucifer as well”.  
I took a deep breath.  
“Ok…”.

“Give me a sec”, Dean said, and walked over to his car; going through the glove compartment. He came back and handed me a tape. “Made a copy”, he winked.  
“Aww… Such a romantic”, I teased. Dean blushed, and I kissed him softly. “Thank you”, I said against his lips  
He put a hand on the back of my head, and returned my kiss – making his own full of promises I could hardly wait to cash in on.  
“Bye”, he breathed, and licked his lips.

I got behind the wheel, and drove my Boy, out of the garage; leaving the bunker.

\---

“Claire! Where’s my crossbow?”, I yelled, as I was packing up my things the day of Jody’s return home.  
The blonde teenager stepped into the guest room, and handed me my weapon.  
“Just wanted to try it”, she muttered.  
“You could have asked. I would have said yes”, I chided smilingly.  
“Really?”, she grunted.  
“Yeah…”, I grinned.

I’d spent four days with Jody's two teenagers, and I was impossibly tired. When the girls weren’t fighting, they were complaining about the pizza I ordered, or listening to _Hello_ by Adele – on repeat.  
Though I wanted to rip my hair out on several different occasions, I’d also had moments of fun – enough of them to want to help Jody out again, should she ask another time.  
I’d not heard from Dean since I left; save a few texts with raunchy subtexts. I was excited to get back to Kansas.

Suddenly sensing something was wrong, I sniffed the air.  
“What’s that?”, I asked. “Smells… like something’s burning!”.  
I sprang towards the kitchen, where suddenly the fire-alarm went off. Thick smoke was coming from the oven.  
“Crap! The lasagna!”, Alex cried out, and came storming into the room.  
I pushed both girls away, and grabbed a kitchen towel; opening the oven, and grabbing the burnt dish, and throwing it into the sink.  
All three of us began opening windows, and waving the smoke out. I was coughing and rubbing my eyes, when the alarm finally died out.

“What the hell is going on here?”, Jody’s voice called out. “You were supposed to _avoid_ fires!”.  
“Welcome home…”, I tried.  
The sheriff looked at all of us with an exasperated expression. Then she began laughing.  
“Thank God for takeout, huh?”.  
She hugged both her girls, and came over to give me a squeeze as well.

After dinner, which consisted of Chinese food; which it only took us an hour to agree on having – teenagers – Jody walked me to my car.  
“You have the patience of an angel”, I chuckled, as she hugged me goodbye.  
“Nah. I just day-drink”, she retorted.  
“Yeah, well… I think some of my first grays may have popped up”.  
“Someone once told me grey hair is hot!”, Jody smirked. “Say hi to the boys for me, ok?”.  
“I will”, I said, got behind the wheel, and waved goodbye.

Once out of Sioux Falls, I called up Dean, getting his voicemail.  
“ _This is Dean. Three people have this number; and if I didn’t give it to you, personally, you shouldn’t have it. So, hang up. Sam – get a haircut. Cass – learn how to text, man. Lou – you have your own car. And… send nudes… beep_ ”.  
I sighed, and rolled my eyes.  
“Hey. I’m on my way back. Won’t need to send nudes; as I’m guessing you’ll have me naked within minutes of my return… Love you”.

I was feeling exhaustion taking me over, and driving through the darkness wasn’t helping me in the least.  
I realized I needed sleep, and stopped at a motel in Norfolk, Nebraska. I texted Dean, to let him know of my change of plans; and settled in for the night – my blade and my gun under my pillow; as always.

I woke a few hours later, to a loud banging on the door. I grabbed my gun and blade, and went over to cheek the peephole. Putting away my weapons; I opened the door, and let in Castiel.  
“Hello, Lulu”, he said solemnly.  
“Cass… What are you doing here?”, I asked, my heart in my throat. “Is something wrong?”  
The angel searched my face for a moment.  
“Did you hear from Dean?”, he asked with a raspy voice.  
“No… Why? What happened?”.

Castiel let out a deep breath.  
“You have to come with me…”, he said. “I need your help”.  
I began packing up my bag immediately.  
“Yeah, of course… Where are we going?”, I asked, and put on my jacket – slipping my blade into the inner pocket. Cass seemed surprised at my willingness to go with him.  
“Uhm…”, he said; his voice slightly higher pitched than usual. “It’s a place with things…”.  
“Will the guys meet us there?”, I asked, and walked out of the room with the angel in tow.  
“You ask so many questions”, he grunted.  
I frowned at him.  
“Never mind…”, I muttered.  
I checked out of the room, and got in my car with Cass, putting my things in the hidden compartment behind the backrest.  
“Go east. I’ll guide you”, he said. I started up my Boy, and drove us out of Norfolk.

I put on the tape Dean had given me, and smiled when our song came on as the first one.  
“This is a bad song”, Cass muttered.  
“I like it”, I smiled.  
“ _I drive myself crazy, drive myself crazy; thinking of you…_ ”.  
Cass turned off the radio.  
“It gives even _me_ a headache”, he groaned.  
I slapped his hand.  
“Hey! Driver picks the music. Shotgun shuts his cakehole”, I growled. “What’s _with_ you, Castiel? You’re being a dick these days”.

Castiel frowned.  
“You’re right… I suppose I’m not really myself”, he admitted.  
“What happened down there?”, I asked. “With Lucifer…?”. I looked towards Cass, trying to meet his eyes; but he turned to look out the window. “I mean… you don’t have to talk about it, but I’m guessing the cage wasn’t a fun place”.  
Castiel scoffed, a strange reaction from the usually somber angel.  
“Let’s just stay I’m not spending another day in there. Ever”.  
“But you weren’t there for that long… right?”.  
He cleared his throat, and lowered his voice into a more recognizable range.  
“Time works differently in Hell… Take the next right”, he grunted. “And go faster”.  
I sped up slightly, feeling very uncomfortable.

“I should call Sam and Dean”, I muttered. “Let them know we’re together”. Reaching for my phone in my pocket, Cass grabbed it.  
“No. They know. I talked to them”.  
“When?”, I asked.  
“Just before I got you”.  
I narrowed my eyes at him.  
“Give me back my phone, Cass”, I demanded.  
“You shouldn’t be talking on the phone while driving”, he growled. “Look, I’ll call them now”.

Glancing towards the screen of the phone, I noticed I had several unanswered calls and voicemails. I felt a knot in my stomach. I should have checked them before getting in the car with Cass.  
The angel dialed up Dean.

“Hello, Dean. This is… Castiel…”. I heard Dean’s voice growling something through the receiver, and Cass looked at me through the corner of his eyes, turning the phone down, so I wouldn’t hear what was said at the other end.  
“Put him on speaker”, I croaked. Cass shook his head.  
“Just drive”, he grunted. “Yes, I am still here”, he said into the phone. “Lulu is with me. She is going to help me find something… No, don’t worry. She’ll be fine, as long as she does what I say… Just thought you should know… Ok, bye!”.

“Why didn’t you tell him where we’re going?”, I asked.  
“They’re busy. We shouldn’t bother them”.  
"Give me back my phone, I want to talk to Dean", I demanded.  
"You will get it back when I'm good and ready", he said.  
“Cass, what the hell!”, I roared, and made to pull over. Castiel put a hand on the wheel, and forced us back onto the road.  
“Keep going east”.  
“You’re scaring me”, I rasped. “Please stop it”.  
Cass let go of the wheel.  
“Just drive”.

I drove for about an hour, an indifferent looking angel as my passenger. Once in a while, Castiel would tell me to make a turn; but other than that, our communication was at a minimum.  
We’d just passed Norfolk, Iowa; when Castiel told me to pull over on the side of the road, at the edge of a forest. Getting out of the car with him, I put my hand on his arm. He flinched at my touch.

“Can I have my phone back?”, I asked.  
“Sure”, he muttered, and handed it to me. All calls and messages were erased.  
My heart jumped in my chest, and my mouth went dry.  
“Why did you erase my calls?”, I croaked.  
He looked confusedly at me.  
“Did I?”, he said. “Huh…”. He walked towards the trees. “This way”.  
“I’m just gonna grab my stuff”, I said.  
“You won’t need it… Well, maybe your gun. Bring that”, Cass called back over his shoulder.

Slipping my gun into the back of my jeans, and checking that my blade was still safe in my inner pocket, I followed Castiel into the forest. He was keeping a brisk pace.  
“You still haven’t told me what we’re doing here”, I sighed, after we’d walked for a little while. “It’s easier to get ready for a fight when you know what you’re fighting”.  
Cass rolled his eyes.  
“Always with the fighting… What _is_ it with you people?”, Cass sneered.

At this point, I was done. Nothing I could have said or done, should make my friend behave this way.  
“All right. What the hell is going on, Cass?”, I growled – possibly a little vexed by the fact that he was dragging me through a cold ass forest, and I was ankle deep in mud. “What did I do to you? You’re acting like you’d rather not have me around… You’re so… cold”.  
Castiel turned to face me, rolling his eyes so hard, that for a second, I worried they’d get stuck like that.  
“And now she wants to talk. It’s always _talking_ – _feelings_ …”. He made a gagging motion. ”Did you ever consider the possibility that you’re just not that interesting? That _that’s_ the reason I’m so… cold?”, he said, in a mocking tone.

I felt cold through and through. Cass was family, and he’d just told me – in so many words – that I didn’t matter to him.  
“Then why did you ask me to come?”, I croaked. “You’re perfectly capable of handling most anything yourself”.  
Cass clenched his jaw.  
“Look… You have… certain qualities. Dean certainly seems to appreciate you for some reason…”. His eyes wandered down to my chest. “Well, can’t blame him for that one…”.

I swallowed bile, and crossed my arms in front of me.  
“Cass… I’m not sure it’s a good idea I go on with you”, I rasped.  
The angels eyes widened, and he took three long strides towards me, ending up less than a foot from me, looking down at my face. His expression went through a million different emotions, before he settled on something like remorse.  
“I understand that you find me… hard to swallow”, he said. “But… Could you just _try_ to go with me here?”. I sighed, and tried to warm up my expression. Castiel continued. “Besides, I’m sure you swallow things all the time”, he smirked.

I resisted the urge to kick who I’d thought was my friend in the balls – besides, I knew from experience, it wouldn’t hurt him much anyway.  
“Here’s what’s gonna happen, Cass”, I declared. “You’re going to tell me what we’re doing, and I’ll help you out with whatever it is – for old times sake. After that, you can go screw yourself”.

Cass narrowed his eyes at me.  
“There’s a house nearby, with an item inside it. It could make me strong enough to take on the Darkness”.  
That was a reason I could get behind.  
“And what do you need me for?”, I asked.  
“That place is warded against angels”, Castiel grunted. “I need you to go inside, and break the wardings, so I can get to the artifact”.  
I shook my head in confusion.  
“I could just grab the thing myself”, I said.  
“You’d die from touching it”, he sighed. “And that would be… bad”.  
I scoffed.  
“At least _try_ to act like you actually mean that”, I snarled.  
Castiel let out a long groan and threw his head backwards in frustration.  
“Fine! If you touch it, you’ll die, and the power it holds will die with you… It’ll go to waste”.  
“There it is…”, I muttered.  
Castiel backed away from me.  
“Can we go now?”, he sneered.

I sighed deeply, and followed the angel further into the forest.

\---

We walked a few miles through the forest, before reaching a barbed wire fence.  
“This is as far as I can go”, Cass frowned. He pointed towards an old cabin about 50 yards away from the fence. “It’s in there. Get rid of the wardings, and I’ll come in, and grab the artifact”.  
“Ok”, I muttered. “But, what if someone is in there?”.  
“You have your gun”, he shrugged.  
“I’m not just going to shoot someone!”, I snarled.  
“Then I guess you’ll have to be really quiet!”, Cass growled. “Now, go!”.

I took off my jacket, to use it to cover the wire, so I wouldn’t get caught in it. The hilt of my blade caught in it, though; and Castiel helped me get it free.  
“This isn’t a toy, Lulu”, he chided. “Someone could get hurt, if you don’t take better care of it”. I shook my head in confusion, but he simply gestured for me to move towards the house.

Getting through the fence, I began the last stretch towards the building alone. I looked back towards Cass, who smiled at me encouragingly. I crouched down behind trees and stones on my way towards the cabin.  
My heart was in my throat. Whoever warded the place had knowledge of angels and magic, making them potentially dangerous to deal with, if they were there. And _why_ the place was warded in the first place, was another thing that bothered me. There could possibly be demons involved – they usually disliked angelic presence.  
I instantly regretted letting Cass take my blade.

The cabin was silent as I approached. I got up on the small porch, and peeked in the window. No one seemed to be home, so I went for the door – which was unlocked. This surprised me, because if the owner of the place warded magically, why not keep the place locked down from humans as well.  
The cabin was cold, and smelled like old smoke and moldy fabric. Who ever used this place didn’t air it out very often. The furniture was all old and patchy, and there was large carpet on the floor, on which a table and two chairs stood.

I instantly recognized the angel wardings on the door, windows and walls, and used a table knife I found in a drawer, to scrape at the sigils. Thinking I’d gotten them all, I wondered why Cass didn’t show up, and went to open the door, and check where he was. I accidentally kicked at the carpet on the middle of the floor, and saw another sigil there. I scraped at it; and almost screamed out, when Castiel was standing over me.

“How did you get in here already?”, I gasped.  
“I’m an angel”, he grunted, his blue eyes searching the room.  
“Yeah, but since the fall you’re shouldn’t be able…”.  
“Move”, Cass interrupted.  
“What?”, I hissed.

The angel almost shoved me out of the way, and began moving the table and chairs.  
“Get the carpet”, he grunted. Cursing below my breath, I rolled away the dusty carpet, revealing a hatch in the floor. “There we go. You were actually helpful! Good job”.  
I chuckled sarcastically.  
“Right. Can I go now?”, I sneered.  
“No. Keep watch”, Cass grunted, and opened the hatch, revealing a ladder going down into darkness. He began descending the steps, and disappeared from sight.

An owl hooted outside, and I jumped at the sound. I was feeling very uncomfortable with the situation, and did the only thing I could to make me feel better. I dialed up Dean.  
“ _Lou!_ ”, he cried out. “ _Where are you? I thought he took your phone_ ”.  
“Hey… I’m with Cass in some cabin. He’s being weird…”, I whispered  
“ _Baby, get out of there! That’s not Cass!_ ”, Dean growled.  
“What?”, I croaked.  
“Who are you talking to, Lulu?”, Castiel called from the darkness.  
“N-no one…”, I responded. “Dean… what’s going on?”.  
“ _Run, Lulu. Get as far away as you can. Now!_ ”, I heard Sam yell in the background.  
“ _We’ll find you_ ”, Dean promised.  
“Who is he?”, I whispered.  
I could hear him take a deep breath.  
“ _It’s Lucifer_ ”.  
I’d had the devil riding shotgun, all along.

“You shouldn’t lie, Lulu. It’s a sin”. I turned around, and Castiel – correction, _Lucifer_ ; the archangel, prince of darkness, and the original evil – was staring me square in the face. He grabbed my phone from my hand, and put it to his ear. “Your files on the staff were wrong. Trying to lead me astray like that… not very nice. Now I’m going to have to be not very nice”. He threw my phone on the ground, and stomped on it; letting his eyes glow red.

“Oh, god”, I breathed.  
“No reason to bring dad in to this…”, Lucifer smiled. “But now _that’s_ out of the way, I can quit pretending, and we can get back to business”.  
I began backing away. I’d never been more terrified in my life. I knew pleading wouldn’t help, there wasn’t a merciful bone in this creature’s body. Lucifer’s face lit up with a smile.  
“I know. You’re scared. Get over it”, he said. “We’re not finished”.

He walked towards me, and grabbed my arm.

\---


	2. Chapter 2

I was seated in the passenger seat of the T-bird. Lucifer was driving.  
“This car is fun”, he said. “I’ve never driven before though, so you’ll excuse me if I bump in to a couple of stray lampposts”.  
“Where are you taking me?”, I breathed, my heart beating fiercely.  
“I haven’t decided yet”, he said. “See, your main squeeze and my ex-vessel decided to trick me, and lead me away from the artifact. I needed a little security, which is another reason I decided to take you along on this little road trip”.  
“So you’re going to kill me…”, I said.  
“Not yet… Might still get those hunters/GQ models to cooperate, if I keep you around”.

Tears were welling up in my eyes.  
“Ugh, crying”, Lucifer groaned. “It’s so… weak. Could you not?”.  
I wiped my eyes with a shaking hand.  
“I’m sorry”, I whispered.  
“And apologizing…”. He made a groaning sigh. “We’re supposed to be partners here, Lulu. You’re being very difficult to work with”.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I was so cold, it was as if Lucifer radiated chilliness.  
“What are you looking for. I’m guessing it’s a hand of God?”.  
Lucifer nodded.  
“The _staff of Moses_ ”, he declared. My lips parted, and I let out a short breath. He turned to look at me, his eyes widening. “You know where it is…”.  
“I’m… I don’t, for sure”, I croaked. “But… You said you were going to use it to defeat the Darkness”.   
“No, I said it could make me strong enough to take her out… Not that I’d do it”.  
“Then, why do you want it?”, I croaked.  
He rolled his eyes.  
“Duh! To get stronger!”, he groaned. “Now, tell me where it is”.

I knew where the staff was. I’d used it to smack Dean over the head, when he’d been a demon – but touching it hadn’t killed me, as Lucifer had said it would.  
“It’s not… I don’t think it works”.  
The archangel frowned at me.  
“How would _you_ know?”, he asked. “Unless you touched it”. I looked down. “You did… when?”.  
“A little over a year ago”, I rasped.  
“Where?”, he demanded. I shook my head. “Lulu, I’m getting that staff, one way or another”.

We were driving through a small town I’d passed through before, on my way from Iowa to South Dakota, passing storefronts, and smiling people, enjoying the chilly, but sunny day. Passing a school, I saw parents picking up their children.  
I couldn’t let him know. Whatever power might be left in the artifact, might still be catastrophic in his hands. These people could die.

“I won’t. You might as well kill me”, I snarled.  
“There it is!”, Lucifer grinned. “That’s the strong, badass hunter I’ve heard Castiel talk about”.  
“He’s still…?”, I breathed.  
“Oh, he’s in here. And he _really_ doesn’t want you dead”.  
I swallowed hard, and felt my heart break.  
“He said yes to you?”, I asked.  
Lucifer nodded.  
“And you will say yes as well; to helping me”.  
“No”, I growled.

Lucifer slowed down the car, and looked towards the school. A woman crouched down, and opened her arms, letting a small boy run into to her embrace. Pulling over a few yards behind where she had parked her minivan, Lucifer looked at me.  
“You want to keep these people safe?”, he asked. “You’ll get me the staff”. My breath hitched. “I will get out of this car, and smite every man, woman and child in a 50-mile radius”.  
There was no doubt in my mind that he was telling the truth.

Lucifer raised a brow at me, and put his hand on the door, to exit the car. I put my hand on his arm.  
“Ok… Ok, I’ll get it for you”, I croaked.  
“See? That wasn’t so hard”, he smiled. “Where is it?”.  
“We’ll have to drive. It’s warded”, I muttered.  
“Of course it is”, Lucifer groaned. “Where?”.  
I needed to get him away from this town, somewhere far from people.  
“West… west of here. I can guide you”, I said.   
Lucifer nodded, and began driving again.

We headed out of town, and I was desperately trying to figure out what my next step was. I couldn’t take the angel back to the bunker, and even if I somehow convinced him that the staff was somewhere else, I wouldn’t get away fast enough for him to not catch me. My angel-blade wouldn’t help me – this was _Satan_.  
My only option was to expel him.

“Can we stop?”, I croaked. “I need to… stretch my legs”.  
“No. We’re not stopping before we reach our destination”, Lucifer declared. “Hold it in”.   
I sighed.  
“Ok”, I muttered.  
“It would be easier if you just gave me an address”, he grunted. “Unless you’re trying to trick me…”.  
“What would I get out of trying to trick Satan?”, I snarled.  
“Good point”, he smiled. “Still… Maybe I should read your mind”.

He lifted a hand to put it on my head. I slapped it away.  
“Don’t touch me!”, I hissed.  
“Careful, Lulu”, he warned. “You just hit the devil”.  
“Just… Make a right…” I said, stalling for time.  
“Whatever the lady says”, Lucifer muttered. “Ahh… I’ve never been on a road trip before. This is fun. You do this a lot?”.  
“For work”, I muttered.  
“You like it?”, he asked. “Being a hunter…”.  
“I… yeah”, I said. “Prefer it when I’m not being kidnapped by angels, though”.

Lucifer grinned again.  
“That’s right! You met one of the guys on my team before… Gadriel, right?”, Lucifer grinned. “Poor guy… always in it for _honor_ and _righteousness._ Between you and me, he needed to loosen up".  
A pang of pain went through my heart for the angel who’d sacrificed himself to do the right thing, after having made bad decisions for so long. He’d finally redeemed himself, and paid the ultimate price.

I remembered my ordeal with him, as he’d been in the seat Lucifer was sitting in now – and something he’d said, returned to mind.  
 _“If you try to repel me now, this vehicle will crash with you inside it”_.  
Lucifer wouldn’t let me leave this car, before I gave him what I wanted, and I saw no way out of this, that didn’t end up with either myself, or someone else getting hurt. I couldn’t live with the last option.

Taking a deep breath, I knew I only had one option. I couldn’t let the devil himself get the staff, and he’d kill me in an instant, if I didn’t cooperate. At least with what I was planning, I’d have a chance, even if it _was_ miniscule. Road signs let me know we were nearing Sioux Falls.  
I looked at the angel.  
“Head north now”.

Sliding my right hand behind the backrest, I searched the hidden compartment for anything sharp. I felt my iron knife, and squeezed my hand around the blade – feeling it cut into my skin.  
Trying to be stealthy, I couldn’t see if the sigil I was drawing with my blood against the backrest was right, but I had to try.

We were driving along a road flanked by boulders and trees, when Lucifer looked towards me.  
“What are you doing?”, he asked. “Got some fun toys back there?”.  
“No toys. Just weapons that won’t work on you”.  
“Then, what are you trying to pull?”, he chuckled.   
“A hail Mary”, I said, took a deep breath, and braced myself mentally – before pressing my bleeding hand against the sigil.  
“No!”, Lucifer cried out, and made a sharp turn – making the car go off the road – before disappearing in a flash of bright light.

I reached for the wheel, but was too late. The last thing I saw, was the boulder that made my car flip in the air, before I knocked my head against the windshield, and everything went black.

\---

Darkness. Sirens. Flashlights in my eyes. Everything was pain.  
“Miss? What’s your name? Hey! Stay with us. We’re getting you out of here”.  
I gasped for breath, and tried to move, but was stuck.  
“Don’t move. You need to stay still”.

I heard a squealing sound, as someone cut into metal, and went on and out of consciousness, as I was transported onto a gurney. Looking back at my Boy, I saw that he was upside down in a ditch.  
“My car…”, I croaked.  
“Yeah… too bad. That thing was a classic”, someone said.  
Tears ran down my cheeks, and I felt a needle enter my arm, before dozing off.

\---

_Pain_. There was only pain, darkness; and hushed voices blending in with the beep of machines.  
“What did she do…?”.  
“… weird weapons in the car…”.  
“… murder…”.

…

“Blood pressure is good, but she’s not in any condition to be transported”, a female voice said.  
“Let us know as soon as anything changes", a gruff male voice responds.  
“Of course, deputy. But... She’s still my patient, no matter _what_ she did", the doctor said. I didn’t understand what she was talking about.

…

“Why didn’t you call me?”. _Jody_.  
“You still had some vacation days…”.  
“Horse crap, Ralph. Something like this happens, you call me in!”.  
Someone takes my hand, and squeezes it warmly.

…

Slits of light trough my lids. Jody is muttering into her phone.  
“Dean… She’s in Sioux Falls General… It’s bad. She’s got murder charges pending… I’ll stall as long as I can”.

…

  
“Only police or next of kin, sir".  
“She doesn’t have anyone else".  
“And you are?”.  
“Her ex-husband. He’s my brother”.  
“It’s all right. I’ll be here”.  
“Sure thing, sheriff Mills”.

…

“I need to be here when she wakes up". _Dean_.   
“Dean, come on. We don’t even know if…”.  
“She will”.  
“She wouldn’t want us to do anything… if she goes, we should let…”.  
“You don’t want to finish that sentence, Sam…”.  
I try to speak, but only a slight whimper comes out. Warm breath against my ear.  
“You have to wake up, Lou. I can’t lose you… I love you, baby. Wake up… just wake up…”.

…

“… cracked ribs. Broken tibia and wrist. And the surface on her bones looked weird on the x-ray. There doesn’t seem to be any serious damage to her brain, but we’re keeping her sedated, just in case”.  
“But she’ll make it…?”.

I was in so much pain, and tried to lift my hand; but realized it was stuck to something.

“She’ll survive, but she’ll need more medical attention once they take her in”.   
“Thanks, doctor”, I heard Sam say. “Can we be alone with her?”.  
“I’m not sure that’s…”.  
“The cops are right outside, doc. And it’s not like she’s running any marathons right now”. Dean’s voice was agitated.  
“Just… let us have a moment before they take her. You told us yourself, it’s good for her to hear familiar voices  
“They’re waiting with a gurney just outside"  
“We understand”, Sam said. “We’ll be quick”.  
The doctor sighed.  
“You have 5 minutes”, she said, and I heard a door close.

“Dean?”, I whispered.  
Someone took my hand.  
“Lou?”, Dean breathed. I opened my eyes, blinking against the light. I met his pained eyes, and instantly began sobbing. “Baby, it’s ok. I’m here”.  
“I had to… I couldn’t…”.  
Sam came to the other side of the bed, and shushed me.  
“We have company just outside the door”, he muttered.

Dean pulled a curtain to cover us from view of the windows to the hospital hallway. Looking down my body, I saw that both my arm and my leg were in casts, and I had bruises and cuts all over. My good hand was handcuffed to the bed.  
“Why am I cuffed?”, I whispered.  
“A woman was murdered… Stabbed by a triangular weapon”, Sam muttered. “They found your angel blade in your jacket. Only _your_ prints on it. And your car was seen near her kid’s school”.  
I let out a sobbing gasp.  
“He killed her…”, I croaked. “I tried to avoid anyone else getting hurt. That was why I did it".  
Dean leaned over me, and kissed my forehead.  
“It’s not your fault”, he said.  
“They’ve made you a suspect of murder”, Sam said. “I’m sorry”. He took my other hand, and squeezed it gently.  
“What about the little boy?”, I whispered.  
“The kid is fine… alive”, Dean muttered. “You’re… that crash almost killed you”.   
I let out a deep breath, feeling pain spread through my ribs as I did. Dean’s face contorted in anguished sympathy and rage.

The door opened, and Jody stepped in. Before she closed it behind her, I saw suit-clad men deep in discussion just outside.  
“Oh, Lulu!”, she gasped in relief. “Thank god…”.  
“What’s going on out there?”, Dean asked.  
Jody swallowed hard, and gave me a somber look.  
“You’re almost well enough o be transported”, she said. “You’re being extradited back to Iowa, as a suspect for the murder of Carol Jenkins”.  
“I didn’t…”, I breathed.  
“We know you didn’t… but your knife and your car both say you did”, Jody responded.

I scoffed, once again wincing from the movement in my abdomen.  
“I’ve been haunted, had a 16’th century countess bleed me dry, a banshee wanted to eat my brain, a leviathan wanted to eat me _whole_ …”, I croaked. “Now, I meet the devil himself, and he sets me up for murder?”. The long sentences made me cough, due to my dry throat, and tears began running out of my eyes from the pain of it.  
Dean grabbed a cup from the bedside table, and held it to my mouth. I took a sip, and he wiped away a stray droplet from my chin – making me feel self-conscious about how I must have appeared; weak and tired.  
He caught my expression, and smiled softly at me.  
“You know, we never _did_ get to play with handcuffs”, he whispered, nodding towards my restrained wrist. “Too bad you’re all banged up; could have had some fun”. I blushed, and smiled.  
Sam cleared his throat.  
“We’re still here”, he said.

There was a knock on the door.  
“Sheriff? It’s time”, a gruff voice called from outside. My breath hitched.  
“We need to get her out of here”, Dean grunted.  
“She’s got a broken leg and hand, _and_ a concussion”, Sam said. “And there are two heavily armed cops standing just outside the door”.  
“You suggest we let them just take her?”, his brother snarled.

Jody out a hand on his shoulder.  
“Dean, you’re not getting her out of here without bloodshed”, she said. “Those aren’t monsters out there. They’re people, doing their jobs”.  
“Yeah, well; right now, _my_ job is to get Lulu out of here, whatever it takes”, Dean growled. “She’s not going down for murder”.

Jody leaned against the foot of the bed.  
“I looked at your records, Lulu”, she said. “You were never charged for any wrongdoings in connection to the hotel that burnt down those years ago. Running off with two fugitives isn’t illegal, as long as you claim they kidnapped you. Technically, you haven’t done anything seriously illegal since then”.  
Sam narrowed her eyes at her.  
“You’re suggesting Lulu claims she was forced by us, to kill that woman?”.  
“I wasn’t even there!”, I rasped.   
“No, I know, sweetie… But this way your sentence…”.  
Dean flew up, and banged his fist into the table.  
“ _No_ sentence, Jody!”, he barked. “We get her out of here, back to the bunker… let this blow over”.  
“It’s murder, Dean”, Sam muttered. “It’s not gonna blow over”. He looked at me, anguished. “We’ll figure something out. I swear, Lulu”.

Dean clenched his jaw; then looked at me – a determined look on his face.  
“I’ll turn myself in”, he declared. “I have a blade of my own, and I’m already a fugitive on paper”.  
I gasped.  
“Dean, no!”, I croaked as loudly as I could.   
He leaned over me again, pressing his lips to mine.  
“There was only ever one of two options in life for me, sweetheart. Death or jail”, he said. “At least this way, I’ll…”.  
“Dean, this isn’t the way!”, Sam exclaimed.  
“You’re not doing this for me”, I rasped. “Please… I can’t…”.  
He stifled my words with another kiss.  
“I love you, Lou”, he said against my lips. His eyes were insistent, and deeper than I’d never seen them before. His warm hand stroked my cheek. I leaned against his palm, feeling my tears spread over my skin with every stroke of his hand there. “This is a better end than I’d imagined”.

With a final squeeze of my hand, Dean turned to Sam, and pulled him in for a hug.  
“No chick flick moments, man”, he muttered. “I’m doing this”. Sam looked heartbroken.  
“Dean… You don’t have to…”, Jody began.  
“Go out there, and get ready to arrest me. It’s better if it’s you; I won’t try to kill you in the process”, Dean said. Jody frowned at him, but left the room.  
“They’ll probably figure out you’re close by, so keep your head down. I’ll make some noise to keep them from coming for you”, Dean said to Sam. “I love you all”.

Had I any strength in my body, I would have thrown myself at him, to stop him from what he was about to do.  
“Dean…”, I whispered.   
He grabbed his car keys from his pocket, and handed them to Sam.  
“Don’t let her drive”, he muttered, and walked out the door.

Sam came back to stand by me, taking my hand in his.  
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry!”, I croaked.  
Sam shook his head.  
“No… This wasn’t you”, he said. “And we’re getting him back”.

I heard a ruckus in the hallway, and began crying. A nurse ran into the room, leaving the door open in the wake.  
Out in the hallway, Dean was laying with his chest to the floor; Jody in the process of cuffing him  
“Gotta get them tighter than that, sheriff!”, Dean jeered at her.   
“Shut up, dirtbag”, Jody growled, and pulled him to his feet.  
He looked at me one final time, and gave me a sly wink.

I began sobbing, and the machine monitoring my heartrate began beeping fiercely. The nurse sprang forward, and pushed Sam out of the way.  
“Sir, your wife needs to rest now”, she said, and squirted some kind of liquid into my iv.  
“Ex…”, I breathed, before dozing off – my chest still heaving in sobs.

\---

When I woke again, the room was empty. My wrist was no longer cuffed, but I heard voices from the hallway, letting me know there were still police outside. I grabbed the emergency button, and a nurse came into the room.  
“Are you in pain?”, she said quietly.  
“No”, I lied. I didn’t want to be sedated again. “My… ex-husband. Where is he?”.  
“He left about an hour ago, I think. He was gone all of a sudden”, she said. “But he left a note…”. She opened a drawer in the bedside table, and handed it to me.  
\- _Had to go. I’m sorry. You’ll be released soon. Rockford._  
I knew what he meant. _Go to the first motel listed in the yellow pages. Look for Jim Rockford._

“When can I leave?”, I asked.  
“You’re still dealing with serious injuries, miss Moore”, the nurse smiled softly. “And I don’t know about your charges. You’ll have to talk to the police”.  
“Then… let me talk to them”, I rasped. She frowned at me, and left the room.

Moments later, a deputy came in.  
“Miss Moore?”, he muttered coldly.  
“Am I under arrest?”, I asked.  
“No… Iowa have decided to file charges against Dean Winchester, for the murder of Carol Jenkins”, he said.  
“So, I’m free to go?”.  
The sheriff sighed deeply.  
“Mr. Winchester’s brother is still on the loose”, he said. Jody must have convinced them that Sam was someone else, when he was there. “We’re here to make sure he doesn’t come back for you”.  
“Dean… He’s going to Iowa?”, I muttered.  
“At first, yes. Then Virginia, Indiana, Texas… He has multiple murder charges pending. You’re lucky you got away”.  
“Lucky…”, I whispered; tears welling up in my eyes. All the states the deputy had mentioned had capital punishment. No matter how many lives Dean had saved, he was going to be executed for the monsters he’d taken down.

“Where is sheriff Mills?”, I demanded.  
“She went home to her family”, he said. “She’ll be back in a few hours”. I closed my eyes in frustration. I was stuck in this damn hospital. “Do you need to speak with a doctor?”.  
“No, just leave me alone”, I rasped.  
He left the room quietly.

I let my tears fall freely. I was stuck – had no way of helping Dean. Even if I gave a false confession to the murder of Carol Jenkins, Dean still had plenty other charges to take him down. I saw no out, save one.

“Amara?”, I whispered. “I don’t know if you can hear me; but you’re supposed to be like God, right?”. I sighed and scrunched my eyes together. “Please… This isn’t for me, it’s for Dean”.  
“It’s strange to have my brother’s creations pray to me”, a voice said. I opened my eyes, and at the foot of my bed stood a beautiful woman. Around her, it seemed like all light disappeared.  
“Amara”, I gasped. “You came”.  
“Where is Dean?”, she demanded.  
“He’s… in trouble”, I said. “They’re taking him to jail… They’ll kill him”.  
She looked at me confusedly.  
“I could just bring him back”, she said, and turned to walk away.  
“But he still won’t say _yes_ to you”, I yelped.

Amara turned to me with hard eyes.  
“Because of you”, she said. “So I’ll revive him, and kill you”.  
I shook my head.  
“He’d never forgive you…”, I croaked. “But you’re partly right. If I was gone, he might go to you”.  
She narrowed her eyes at me.  
“What do you mean?”.

I swallowed hard, and wiped my eyes with my good hand.  
“I’ll end it with Dean. For good”, I said. “He’ll be free to say yes to you, without worrying about hurting me”.  
“It won’t make him stop loving you”, she grunted.  
“Maybe… But I’ll make it clear we’re over… And at some point, he’ll move on”, I rasped. “I’m just me… You’re… _you_. If I break it off with Dean, he’ll see that”.

She seemed to ponder my words, before stepping over to stand next to me. I pulled backwards in the bed, wincing from pain.  
“You will end your relationship with Dean, permanently?”, she asked. “You will not contact him, or try to get him back…”.  
“I will”, I whispered, feeling as if my heart stopped when I said the words. “But I have to say goodbye, or he’ll try to find me”.  
Amara nodded.  
“I will help Dean”, she said. “And you will say goodbye to him”.  
“I will”, I said.  
“Good”.

Amara put her hand on my shoulder, and I felt a wave of darkness flow over me.

\---

When it was finally light again, I was standing on the side of a road. My casts were gone, and I felt almost no aching from my bones. For a moment I thought Amara had taken me into some alternate plane, where I was healed; but when I stepped forwards, something jabbed the sole of my foot.   
I winced in pain, and lifted my leg to examine the cut; seeing a small shard of red glass sticking out of it.   
Next to me, I saw remnants of a car wreck; glass, metal splinters and what looked like a part of a door. It was what was left of my Boy, after they’d towed him out of the ditch.  
Amara had healed me, and brought me back to the site of my accident.

I was cold, still wearing the hospital gown, which laced up in the back. There wasn’t a person or a car anywhere around. I was in the middle of nowhere, my ass sticking out; and with a big cut in my foot. To top it off, I’d just agreed to end things with the one man I’d ever truly loved.

I turned around a few times, trying to figure out in which direction to head. Seeing lights in the distance, I headed that way for a while; limping and rubbing my arms for warmth.  
“Nice cheeks, Lou”, someone said from behind me. I spun around, and let out a sigh of relief.  
“Dean…”, I croaked.  
He shrugged off his jacket, and helped me put it on, before wrapping me in his arms.

“What did you do, baby?”, he whispered into my ear. “How long do you have?”. He pulled back, and looked into my eyes; his own pained and angry all at once.  
“I didn’t… It’s not a demon deal”, I sniveled. I didn’t realize I’d begun crying again.  
“You have to have done something”, he demanded. “Because one moment, I’m in cuffs in the back of a police car – bound for Iowa – the next, I’m here; watching you bleed all over the side of the road”.   
I looked down at my foot.   
“It’s just a cut”, I said. “Everything else is healed up, I think”.  
“So you _did_ make a deal”, Dean growled. “Dammit, Lou!”.  
I shook my head.  
“It’s not that kind of deal…”, I breathed.  
“Then what?”, he asked. “I’m not letting you go like this, sweetheart”.

I pushed him away gently; and Dean looked at me confusedly.  
“What’s going on?”, he asked.  
I sighed.  
“Amara got you out”, I said. Dean clenched his jaw.  
“What did you give her in return?”, he asked.  
“You and me… We end it”, I croaked.  
Dean’s eyes darkened.  
“What the hell are you talking about?”, he growled. “End it? We finally… no, Lou”.  
I shrugged.  
“It has to be this way”.

Dean scoffed.  
“And now I have to go to _her_ …”, he grunted.  
“I’m not taking away your choice”, I said. “You don’t have to go to her… But I’m out of the equation”.  
“That’s not what you want”, Dean breathed.  
I sighed.  
“It doesn’t matter what I want”.  
“I’m not letting you do this”.

I knew from the pain in his voice – from the love he was expressing in his own angry way – what I had to do. I had to break Dean’s heart.  
I hardened my eyes, and took a deep breath – trying to ignore the feeling of my heart shriveling up in my chest.

“I want _out_ of this life!”, I growled. “Jody said it. I have no charges pending. I could rebuild a _real_ life… A job, friends – without having to deal with monsters, demons, angels… almost dying every five minutes”. Dean looked at me incredulously.   
“And you just realized that now?”, he snarled. “ _After_ having Amara pull me out of that car?”.  
“I’ve thought about it for a while”, I lied. “It’s why I didn’t want to move in to the bunker permanently”.  
He shook his head.  
“You told me you didn’t want to settle down anywhere…”.

“I don’t want to settle down with _you_!”, I roared. “I can’t do this anymore… Look at me! I was flung against the windshield of a car. Almost died… I had Lucifer driving shotgun, for crying out loud! Satan! Wearing one of my closest friends as a vessel… This isn’t normal…”.  
“ _You’re_ not normal”, Dean rasped. He reached for my hand, but I shrugged him off.  
“I am, Dean… Earthshattering sex with a hot guy doesn’t change that”, I shrugged.   
Dean’s face dropped.  
“That’s all we are? Sex?”, he croaked.  
 _No, it’s not. I love you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me_ , I cried internally.  
“Yeah… I’m just happy I finally figured that out, before I end up dead”.  
Dean looked like I had shoot him straight through the heart. His lips parted, and he drew in a heaving breath.

I saw the Impala approaching in the distance; Sam behind the wheel. He halted the car a few yards away, and got out.  
“What happened?”, he gasped. “Jody said Lulu was gone from the hospital, and _you_ disappeared from…”.  
“Lulu fixed everything”, Dean said – quickly wiping his eyes of a few stray tears, before facing his brother with a smile.  
Sam shook his head in confusion.  
“What did you do?”, he asked.  
“Don’t worry about it Sammy. I’ll fill you in”, Dean said. “You got any of her stuff in there?”.  
Sam went to open the trunk.  
“Yeah, I broke in to the impound, and got your bag”, he said to me. I limped over to take it from him.

“You should keep your weapons”, Dean muttered from behind me. “Just in case you run in to any trouble”.  
“What are you talking about”, Sam asked.  
“Oh, Lulu’s leaving us… Me”, Dean said matter-of-factly. “She wants a normal life”.  
“Dean…”, I breathed.  
“It’s fine, Lulu”, Dean smiled. “I get it. Do you need a ride into town?”.  
I shook my head.  
“I’ll hitch a ride”, I muttered.

I began taking off the jacket, to give it back.  
“No, keep it”, he said. “There’s a few credit cards in the inner pocket. Keep them too; until you figure out something else”. He took a few steps backwards, and ran a hand over his face.  
“I’m sorry”, I whispered.  
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll bounce back”. I could hear the lie in his voice.  
“Ok”, I responded. “Goodbye, Dean”.

I began limping away from the car. I heard Dean come up behind me; and he grabbed my arm, turning me around, and looking me square in the face.  
“I love you, Lou… No matter what you say, that’s not gonna change”, he said gruffly. “So, you go… have you apple-pie life, boring job… hook up with some random average-Joe. But me? No matter who steps into my life, no matter what woman… It’ll only ever be you”.   
He pulled me close, and kissed me. One hand on the back of my head, he held me there for what seemed like an eternity – but was probably more like seconds – our lips melding perfectly as they always did. As if we were kissing for the first and the last time, all at once.  
He let me go, and nodded.  
“Yeah”, he muttered. “Have a nice life”.

He went back towards the Impala, and got in. Sam looked confusedly at me, and got in next to his brother.  
They drove off, and left me, as I’d asked – but never in a million years wanted.

Once the car was out of sight, I cried out in pain.

\---

1 month later

_Sam is jolted awake from what sounds like an explosion, still fully dressed on his bed, after the hunt in Michigan. He stumbles out of his room, and runs down the hallway, towards where the sound came from. The door to Dean’s room is open, and his brother is gone.  
There is another explosion two doors down, and he runs towards room 13; throwing the door open, and gun at the ready._

_Dean is crouched behind the bed, which he has flipped so that it is standing upright on its side; as a shelter against the explosions. The wall to room 12 has some large dents in it, from the two former explosions.  
Dean is wearing hearing protectors; and is holding a beer in one hand, and a homemade pipe bomb in the other. He takes a swig of his beer, and puts it down to light the explosive._

_Sam jumps forward, and grabs the bomb before Dean can finish his task.  
“Dude!”, he cries out. “What the hell are you doing?”.  
Dean stumbles to his feet, and looks towards the damaged wall.  
“You’re right”, he mutters. “Need more explosives”. He stumbles towards the door, knocking over some empty bottles in the process. “And more beer”.  
Sam gets between his brother and the door.  
“I think you’ve had enough”, he declares._

_Dean looks at him with incredulous eyes.  
“How else am I supposed to get through that wall?”, he asks.  
“Why do you want to break down the wall?”, Sam frowns.  
Dean looks at him as if he’s the biggest idiot on the planet.  
“For Lou”, he says. “When she comes back and settles in… I’m gonna put in a jacuzzi and a better sound system”._

_Sam sighs deeply. His heart is breaking at the sight of his brother’s misery.  
“Dean… She told you what she wants”, he says.  
“She lied!”, Dean growls. “I know her. Know when she’s lying… I think”. He sways back and forth a bit, his eyes glazed over from drunkenness. “We have to get rid of Amara, so she can come back, Sam”.  
Sam pats his shoulder.  
“Look… I know how you feel. Losing Lulu…”._

_Dean shrugs in defeat.  
“I love her, Sammy”, he croaks. “I love her from her crooked little toe, to the top of her head, to the freckle just above her…”. He begins smirking, and chuckling to himself.  
Sam groans, and puts an arm around his brother’s shoulder, guiding him down the hallway towards his room.  
“Too much info, man”. Dean continues, ignoring his pleas for him to stop.  
“You ever see the face she makes, when her coffee’s gone cold? There’s this wrinkle in her forehead that only comes out for that… so cute”, he smiles.  
“I know. Lulu hates it when her coffee is cold”, Sam says, and guides Dean towards his bed.  
“Sometimes, I’ll even serve her cold coffee, just to see it… Don’t tell her!”, he chuckles. “And then when she cleans her guns, she always wears that red scarf to hold her hair back, you know? The one she wore when she danced on her desk in that class-room… And she doesn’t know how to clean them properly, but she won’t let me help her; because she’s _so _stubborn. And then I have to do it again, when she’s asleep; so they don’t rust…”._

_Once he is laying down with his head on his pillow, Dean looks at Sam; with tears in his eyes.  
“She’s so… frustrating. She never listens, always has some smartass comeback, and knows just how to get to me… And she’s good, so good. And kind, and warm, and funny… And I love her… I love her”.  
Dean dozes of as he finishes his sentence._

_Sam runs a hand down his face, before going to grab a bucket for the hangover his brother is sure to have in the morning. He passes the armory on his way back, and looks into the room, at the large dent on the back wall. He’d give anything to have his little sister back as well._


End file.
